


Say my name

by Marionette_Ame



Series: Valentine's Day Fics [6]
Category: Noblesse (Manhwa)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29405070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marionette_Ame/pseuds/Marionette_Ame
Summary: Suyi forgets to make a proper Valentine's gift but it's fine because she still has a fancy restaurant booked.
Relationships: Im Suyi/Seo Yuna
Series: Valentine's Day Fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2156829
Kudos: 2





	Say my name

It’s strange. Every year something changes, every year the things she adores disappear from sight (shops she used to visit close down because the malls get more people, the trees that once offered her shade are cut down for signs and poles, the people she knew have long since moved away because the rent rockets higher every second, every minute, every day), and yet the festivals remain the same. They get gaudier with the bigger decorations, the bigger promises, the bigger burden of capitalism hiding behind the red of celebration because fresh blood blends in well, but the feeling remains the same.

And yet all Suyi feels as she stares at the chocolate on display is the heavy sinking in her gut that she knows well enough now to call despair. The roof over her head provides no relief from the heat that threatens to flood her face because, well, she’d _forgotten_. Forgotten completely about preparing something for her friends and for her not-friend but not-lover either.

This wouldn’t have happened if she was working (starving and draping her body in ways that make her long for home and school. professional cameras that are obvious and a welcome change from the holes and screws and tape covering public toilets). There would have been a photoshoot or a message she’d need to send out herself. Not like now where she simply giggles about it with Yuna and the other girls in school and wonders if Seira has anyone she is planning for. It isn’t as in her face, and so now she’s left with no time to prepare for the little heart shaped ones she made for everyone every year past.

Prepare is a bit of a fancy word though. All Suyi really did was melt down what she bought and add colouring or flavouring if she felt like it. Yet that isn’t the problem. It’s just that now she has that constant she didn’t last year, the not-friend not-lover who she wants to make something for on Valentine’s.

Pulling out her phone hastily, the potted aloe keychain scratched up by her keys clutched between it and her palm in an act of reassurance, she checks her reservations. Even though she remembers thinking about that fancy restaurant her mother likes, and though she knows she had resolved to take that person there, had she remembered to go through with it?

Her laugh of relief ensures several looks, and yet that’s fine even if it means she might be recognised. Better than the crawling anxiety that had been encompassing her just seconds prior. She still picks up a box of the fanciest box of milk chocolate she can find on her way back home.

* * *

“Suyi?” Yuna asks, holding her hand tight, hoping her warmth seeps through faster into her always cold body, “I don’t think I can afford this.”

She really can’t fathom this place with its dim lighting and deep red walls. Is it velvet? She thinks it might be because that seems like a rich people thing and so is this place with its candles and chandeliers and of what she’s sure are wooden tables imported in from overseas. It’s very European, and as she sits with her knees squeezed and her kiddie bag held tight by her hip on the soft plush of whatever it is she’s on, she feels like she shouldn’t have worn the hanbok her mother had insisted on. Especially since Suyi is just wearing a simple black sundress that looks elegant with her hat and earrings.

Even the oversized hand-me-down hoodies and graphic tees would have felt more natural. But then Suyi gives her that bright smile that makes the rest of the world blur around her. Like that effect photographers use but with her own eyes and done in a way that she doesn’t really mind looking for hours. Suyi’s always been pretty, being an idol means that’s her job, and she always ends up staring at her if she’s not careful. And even if she is. It’s terrifying almost how she’s already forgotten everything in the dark around them, but it’s not because her heart’s not beating fast out of fear. It’s that simple.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m paying this time.”

Suyi winks when she says that and Yuna can’t help but smile even though- “This time?”

“You paid last year. Duh.”

The way Suyi shakes her head has her hair mesmerising her but she still racks her head, trying to figure out what exactly she’s talking about. The arcade? Or the cafes they’ve been too? Neither fit.

Yuna smiles, lips stretched upwards and eyes unchanging. No, that’s not fair. They’re reflecting her confusion.

“I don’t think I paid for anything that costs… um-” she glances at the menu- “like this. Plus, you’ve paid for me plenty of times too. This is just… a lot.”

The way she ends her words are lacklustre but she doesn’t even know how else to say it. Even the menus here seem like they cost more than any meals she’s ever gotten.

Suyi shakes her head again, laughing, “No not that! I meant…”

And then she pauses, looking around her warily all of a sudden. Yuna wants to ask what’s wrong, but she doesn’t. Instead Suyi leans in, voice lowered to a whisper so nobody can hear her even though it’s obvious there isn’t a soul paying them the slightest attention.

“For last year’s Valentine’s.”

“Oh,” is all that comes out.

Yuna doesn’t know how to answer, her heart suddenly constricted, but Suyi doesn’t let her anyway. She calls over a waiter to order and the conversation returns to normal. At least, as normal as it can be with the phantom sensations that linger where the food she eats passes. Memories are horrible. Wonderful. But horrible.

Not even when they’re leaving does that one scene leave her mind. It replays over, and over, and over. She remembers it on other days too, and they never leave then either. It’s not a bad thing. Not really. It’s just that the rest of the world, just that her mind when it’s not wrapped up in a deep blush, make it so.

It makes her feel guilty too. Makes her heart ache and hurt even more, and as her steps slow and she watches Suyi’s back, Yuna stops walking completely.

Is this a good place for it? A dark alleyway that smells faintly of cigarettes where the street lights barely illuminate them? And yet the neon signs that bathe and reflect off of Suyi’s back, the slight wetness on the ground that she thinks might be from this afternoon’s rain, everything that she’s never seen before, _not like this_ , means that they’re alone.

They’re alone and that’s what they need best. Far from people, from judgement, from anyone who can see them. Vaguely she remembers that one line, the one about whether you’re real if you’re not being perceived, and does her best to forget it. That doesn’t matter. Only one thing does.

“Suyi?”

Her voice is much quieter than she meant it to be. It’s not the confident one calling out, but it works because Suyi looks at her, noticing that she’s not following anymore.

It’s poetic almost, and she wishes she knew what that meant. How would a singer describe this? If Suyi can feel this too, if she knows how strange this energy is in this empty little place piled up with black trash bags is right now, how is she describing it? She must know, because she’s an artist, and they’re the ones who talk of these types of things.

“Yuna? What is it?”

Concern. That’s what she hears and she knows. This could be made into a song. Will it be the same one she hears though? Will it have that techno beat in the arcade she likes? The one where there’s three vending machines and the glass is cool against her back even through thick wool? The one where Suyi kissed her a year ago today?

“Suyi,” she says again, louder this time and yet a lump forming in her throat, “I- Suyi, I’m… I.”

Tears build up as she attempts to make it past that lump that keeps the words in. Of course it does. It’s made from the country, the people, the world, and she’s just one person. How can she say it? How could she ever?

“ _I_ -” she tries again but this time she only gasps as her voice shakes and her tears blur her vision.

Stumbling forward, Yuna barely sees Suyi as she holds onto her. She’s not crying just yet. There are only tears and shaking, no sobbing.

“Don’t,” Suyi says, and though Yuna knows it’s not like that she wonders if anyone else can hear them.

That would be dangerous. So dangerous. It’s what keeps her from speaking in the first place. From saying the words that would make the world never look at her the same. That would ruin her life if anyone other than Suyi heard them.

“I know what you mean, so. Just say my name, okay? Only my name. I’ll know. I’ll always know.”

Yuna’s crying now. Properly. Sound and all. But she still has to try and she whispers-

“Suyi.”

“I know-” and this time Suyi’s voice cracks too- “I know.”

“Suyi.”

“I know,” with tears falling on her forehead so she knows she’s crying too.

“ _Suyi,_ ” Yuna says, and looks at her even though she really can’t see at all.

Suyi looks back, stares, and gives the biggest smile she can even as she sobs, “Yuna, I love you,” and kisses her.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspirations are Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy and my own personal experiences. It was actually about Masumi and an OC from Detective Conan but then I realised that I characterise Yuna somewhat similarly and so I wrote this.


End file.
